GALA: What's the point?

Alright, so another gala, another round of awards. This time it's the University of Pennsylvania handing out Alumni Awards of Merit like they're going out of style. Seriously, are we supposed to be impressed?

The "Spirit of Service" Award? Please.

First up, Jackie Einstein Astrof, getting lauded for her "spirit of service." Okay, fine, she started PennPAC, which, according to the press release, "helped over 300 nonprofits with 1,100 volunteers contributing 60,000 hours and $12 million in consulting value." Numbers, numbers, numbers. It all sounds great, but let's be real, how much of that "consulting value" actually made a difference? Or was it just a bunch of well-meaning but ultimately clueless alumni telling nonprofits how to run their business? I mean, give me a break. Nine honored at Alumni Award of Merit Gala provides more details on the award recipients.

Then there's Calvin Bland, honored for "expanding opportunity and justice." The Calvin Bland Fellowship Program sounds nice enough, but is it actually changing the system, or just putting a band-aid on a gaping wound? And “enduring impact”? That's what everyone says, ain't it?

Sports, Art, and... More Awards?

Denis Elton Cochran-Fikes gets a pat on the back for "leadership and career mentoring student-athletes." Cool, he ran a 3:55 mile back in '74. So what? Does that make him qualified to mentor anyone? I'm not buying it.

James H. “Jamie” Greene Jr., Wharton Class of '72, is being honored for supporting Penn Athletics. You know, because rich guys funding sports programs is totally groundbreaking. I mean, offcourse, it helps, but still…

And Susan T. Marx, the sculptor, gets the Creative Spirit Award. Okay, I'll admit, endowing a lecture series at the Arthur Ross Gallery is pretty cool. But still, these are all people who already have a platform. What about the actually struggling artists?

Jodi L. Miller, Ian Seltzer, Rev. Liz Theoharis… the list goes on and on. More awards, more accolades, more self-congratulatory back-patting.

The Ebony Power 100: A Different Kind of Circle Jerk?

Then you've got the Ebony Power 100 Gala. Tracee Ellis Ross gets a Pathbreaker award, Shaq gets an Entrepreneur award... Iman gets an Icon Award. All well and good, I guess.

But here's the thing: these events always feel so... curated. Everyone saying the right things, everyone praising each other, everyone pretending like they're changing the world. Maybe they are. Maybe I'm just a cynical jerk. But I can't help but feel like it's all just one big, elaborate performance.

Ava DuVernay's speech about Lonnie Bunch III fighting "dark forces" sounds dramatic as hell. But is it really that dramatic? Or is it just another way to make a gala sound more important than it actually is?

And Tracee Ellis Ross saying, "You do not have to push out a baby to help push humanity forward"? Okay, that's a solid line, I'll give her that. But it also feels like she's preemptively deflecting criticism. Like she knows people are going to question her choices, so she's getting ahead of it.

Meanwhile, the Pittsburgh Penguins Foundation is throwing a "Night of Assists" gala. For charity, ofcourse. Because nothing says "giving back to the community" like charging $500 a ticket to hang out with hockey players.

So, What's the Real Story?

It's all about optics, ain't it? Making rich people look good, making universities look good, making corporations look good. And honestly, I'm tired of it.